One of our colleagues got married recently and we received her first email with the new name. My boss turned around and remarked on her new name to which I replied: "Well, why do women change their name anyway?" This made my colleague Liz, who will be getting married in March next year, turn around and say: "Well I'm not changing mine!", and I said: "I wouldn't change mine either.", to which my boss remarked: "What!? That is outrageous!!!", and we went at the same time: "What!? Why?!?"
We then went into this heated discussion to which other colleagues were drawn into and that latest 2 days. None of the people who were for the woman changing her name could come up with one reason why the bride has to change the name instead of the groom. Not one reason. That's because there is none. Even just the inconvenience of it all is alone completely off-putting. Back in the day, the woman didn't have a bank account, let alone a passport. The man managed everything. But nowadays, also with all the new Social Media tools, I can think of dozens of accounts where I would have to change my name, starting with my passport, ID card, driving licence, 2-3 email addresses, the house contract, the list is long. Why would anyone want to go through something like that when it is not even considered the man taking the woman's name?
The best part is when one of your best friends fail to inform you about their new husbands surname. One day you get an email from a person you've never heard of. Happened to me the other day where I had to read the email twice thinking: 'Who is this person?' before it finally clicked it must have been my friend who got married in February.
The worst part is the actual meaning behind it. There used to be the custom that the father is giving away his daughter - to the new man. That basically meant to change ownership of the girl/lady/woman. You basically become the new property of your chosen loved one. What!? Not is that only sexist but completely discriminating.
I don't judge women who change their names, I just don't understand them. Is there something wrong with your own name? Do you not feel complete as a unit when not having the same surname? You already share your entire household and life with the other person - is that not enough?
Recent study shows that we are going rather backwards than forwards:
Men want women to be more traditional - and women 'are HAPPY to be the housewife'
That's very sad... and there are enough saddos out there who wish they had a 1950's wife!
I only know one couple where the man changed his name to hers because he liked her name much better. I thought that was a wicked decision, so well done to the Koenigs! You know who you are :)
So to conclude, the list seems to be getting longer - there are the bridezillas, the mumzillas and now also the wifezillas. Oh dear. This can only end in disaster.
But well done Liz!
2 comments:
Ha ha, yes, I've had some very similar conversations recently. The primary excuse from women who DO decide to change their name is 'for the children' as if they can't handle the thought of having to decide which surname the children take, or to give them both. I've also got friends who said they would never change their names but then promptly did when they got married!
I've also got friends where both partners took each other's name, not double barrelled, but as two separate surnames, his first, hers last, so essentially her surname is now his.
I associate name with identity and as such won't be changing my name, and you're right, it makes no difference in this day and age if you don't share a surname, if you've decided to share your lives together.
Now the next question is the entire institution of marriage itself. In the UK couples who are not married have much less rights than married couples, even if they've been together for years. They even have less rights than gay people in a Civil Partnership. In Australia you can claim 'de facto' if you've been together a certain time and you have more rights...
Interesting debates...
cx
Thanks for your comment Carmel.
I think you've hit the nail on the head when you talk about identity. I always thought when thinking about a different surname that it didn't feel right. Not that one does but it feels like throwing half of your personality away and taking on a new identity. I also associate identity with my name and therefore will never change it.
Yes, the question of the institution of marriage is an interesting one. Equally, I don't quite see the point. A lot of people romanticise marriage, but also say it feels different after having tight the knot. Again, if you live with someone for a number of years they are more than your boy/girlfriend or partner. They are your husband/wife, especially when you have kids. Some people just get married because they bought a house - again, laws and rights stand more in the foreground than the romantic notion of being married. I think this will become more and more the reason why people get married.
Yes, interesting debates... and so much educating needs to be done, so much old-fashioned and conservative thinking....
jx
jx
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